How to Have a Successful Visit with Your Loved One in Memory Care

How To Have a Successful Visit with a Loved One in Memory Care

When a loved one lives with Alzheimer’s disease or another type of dementia, family members and friends can sometimes feel overwhelmed when it comes to visiting them in their memory care community. If you feel like you just don’t know what to do or what to say when checking in on your loved one in their new home, that’s okay. It is common for family members and friends to feel awkward or to slip into a caregiver role when stopping by for a visit.

The best way to have a successful visit in a memory care community is to come in prepared, stay present in the moment, and remain flexible. 

Come Prepared

A visit with a loved one can be easier if you come prepared. This might include taking time to sit in the car to practice some deep breathing and relaxation before you come into the community, especially if you feel anxious or stressed out. People living with dementia can quickly pick up on the moods of those around them, which can mean they could become restless or agitated if you come in for your visit while feeling stressed from work. A few moments to take deep breaths in your car can do wonders in ensuring both of you have a positive visit.

You might also find it helpful to tuck a few items in your purse or bag that you could use to jumpstart a conversation or an interaction. A photo album of old family pictures is a great idea, as are playing cards. Having items to grab during your visit can help you to redirect your loved one if they are feeling restless or tired.

Finally, consider coming prepared by coming at a good time of day for your loved one. People living with Alzheimer’s disease or another type of dementia can often feel more confused and restless during the late afternoon or early evening hours. This behavior is sometimes called “sundowning.” If your schedule permits, choose to come during a time of day when they feel their best, such as mid-morning or early afternoon.

Stay Present

It can be easy to slip into full caregiver mode when you are visiting your loved one at their memory care community. While you can certainly use some of your visit to check in on their progress with community nurses and staff members, as well as to perhaps grab their laundry for the week, do your best to remain present and to visit as a daughter, grandson, or another family member.

You can set aside your caregiving role, as the memory care team is there to take care of that daily for your loved one. Instead, enjoy a simple cup of coffee with your loved one in the sunroom or a stroll around the courtyard.

Remain Flexible

Only some visits will go the way you planned. Dementia is progressive, which means your loved one might be facing different challenges today than they did a few months ago. If you remind yourself to stay flexible, you both will have a positive experience during your visit.

Try to base your visit on how your loved one is feeling. Watch for verbal and nonverbal signs and follow their lead. For example, if you notice your loved one is pacing around the bedroom and seems distracted, suggest you both go on a walk outside. If you notice your loved one is content sitting on their recliner, try turning on some relaxing music and offering a hand massage with their favorite scented lotion.

Experience Life in the Community

Memory care communities offer regular activities and events that are designed to mimic the natural rhythms and routines of the day. When you visit your loved one, consider attending some of these events together! Family members are always welcome and you’ll get a glimpse into what life is like for your loved one each day. Plus, you might learn different interventions to try with your loved one after you see a team member model them for you during a group.

Look for events to attend like group exercise, craft workshops, celebratory socials, trivia, and even entertainers. You’ll have fun and the two of you will enjoy sharing an experience together.

You can also consider attending a meal with your loved one. You might have to give the community advance notice so that they can prepare your place at your loved one’s table, and you might need to pay a nominal fee for the food. However, sitting down to lunch or dinner with your loved one is a lovely way to spend some of your visit.

Ideas for Easy Activities

If you’re looking for easy activities to bring with you for your next visit, consider tucking any of these supplies into your bag:

  • Playing cards, which you can use to play favorite games or to sort by color, number, or suit. Sorting is an excellent cognitive activity and also helps with fine motor skills.
  • Stationery or blank greeting cards, so that you can work together to send off a few notes to family members and friends.
  • A playlist of their favorite music on your phone, so that you can set your visit to a soundtrack of the songs they remember. Aim for songs they would have listened to when they were between the ages of 13 and 30. Encourage singing and dancing along.
  • A copy of a local newspaper or magazines, which you can use to flip through together or to use for an easy collage
  • An old recipe book or recipe box with your loved one’s favorite recipes, which you can use to look through together and talk about favorite foods, tips for cooking, etc.

If your loved one was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or another type of dementia, a memory care community can provide you with peace of mind and provide them with specialized care that will meet the challenges of cognitive decline. Learn more about The Cottages memory care at The Glen and schedule your visit to meet with our team.


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