Questions To Ask Your Senior Loved One About Care Preferences
If you are in a caregiving role for a loved one, you are not alone. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that about 25% of adults care for senior loved ones in some capacity. As younger generations care for older generations, the conversations about caregiving are starting to change. For example, seniors are speaking proactively to their adult children about what they want when it comes to caregiving expectations, including when they want their children to step in (or out).
The right questions can not only get everyone on the same page, but can also ensure that everyone in the family understands the wishes of their loved one. This can eliminate extra conflict that can sometimes arise as seniors require more assistance or support.
Not sure where to start? Here are a few questions to ask your senior loved one about care preferences to kick off this important conversation.
Do you have your estate planning all up to date?
Before you can begin talking more about caregiving and future wishes, it is imperative to determine if your loved one has taken steps to get their estate planning completed. They should have, at a minimum, Power(s) of Attorney designated legally as well as a Living Will. Even if your loved one has completed their estate planning with a lawyer, double-check with them that it is updated appropriately. They might have completed it 20 years ago and the information there is no longer accurate.
While you’re on the topic of estate planning, be sure that at least one family designee knows where the legal documents are located and that the assigned Power(s) of Attorney understand they are named in the documents and their role should it be required.
What do you want us to do when you’re struggling to safely drive?
Having a conversation about driving can be very stressful for adult children. However, if you’re able to begin the conversation long before taking the keys away is needed, it can take the awkwardness out of the situation should it ever arise.
Get your loved one’s opinion about driving and how they might want to approach it as they get older. If they are already diagnosed with conditions that could make driving unsafe sooner than later (vision challenges, cognitive decline, neurological diseases), talk about how they want to be a part of that decision as well as local resources that can be available for transportation needs.
What is your goal for aging in place, here at home?
Most older adults do wish to stay at home as long as possible, but a growing percentage also recognize that they want to remain independent as long as possible, even if that means a move to in-home caregiving or to a senior living community. Maintaining a household can be quite exhausting for a senior, and a move to an all-inclusive retirement community can often enhance independence thanks to easy access to wellness resources and convenient amenities.
Talk candidly about what they want and what challenges could constitute a move to a new option, like a retirement community. They might have strong feelings about this, especially if they watched their older loved ones decline.
What type of tasks would you want family members to assist you with?
This conversation can help you to support your loved one’s dignity. For example, perhaps they don’t mind if a family member helps out with grocery shopping and food preparation, but they don’t want a family member to help them get dressed, use the toilet, or other vulnerable activities of daily living. These might feel like awkward conversations to have, but it can be a relief to understand what tasks feel too intimate for your loved one to ask for your help.
When do you think it would be time to research retirement communities? What are some signs?
While you and your loved one can’t always plan a move to a retirement community down to the exact date, you can open up a conversation to see what signs they might think could mean a move would be beneficial. Maybe they think that once they can’t safely navigate the stairs up to their bedroom, it would be time to begin the process. Or, they might think that it is time to research their retirement community options when their condition gets worse.
Simply hearing their perspective before the need arises can help both of you cope better if the need for senior living arises.
Should we start looking around for retirement communities so that we can see what we like and don’t like?
Senior living isn’t required for all older adults, but getting seniors involved in their own future plans can be empowering. So, take some time to tour retirement communities together. On the ride home, talk about what amenities and services you liked, as well as what you didn’t like about the community. This can help you understand your loved one’s preferences and what is important to them (which might not always be what is important to you).
Who else should we invite into this conversation?
Caregiving tasks, including conversations about future planning and care preferences, shouldn’t always fall on one person, if possible. When you open up these conversations, see if there are others you can include in them as well. Perhaps your loved one would like all her kids involved, or other members of her family or community. While you don’t necessarily need your mom’s helpful neighbor involved in conversations about estate planning, you might find it helpful to hear your mom say that she would like to involve her neighbor in tasks like daily check-ins or meal preparation.
When you’re ready to begin looking at retirement communities together, be sure to visit us at The Glen. Our Life Plan Community is designed to support residents no matter their needs or challenges, as we have all types of senior living solutions all on our expansive and beautiful campus. Contact us today to schedule your visit.